My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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