I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
