I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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