i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
