I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
