when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
