i need an iv and a liver transplant
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
