On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
