she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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