Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
