I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
