I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
