Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
