What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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