Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
