Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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