Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
