I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
