i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
