I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
