you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
