I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
