How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
