Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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