Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she peed on how many people?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
