We're facebook friends in real life
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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