When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
