420 ftw
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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