Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
