How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
