She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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