saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am naked and annoyed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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