I just threw up on my dentist
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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