R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
