using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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