i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
