She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
