Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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