I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
