We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
