do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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