i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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