I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
