Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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