Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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