i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
