After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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