im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
