please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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