Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
