He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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