I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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